Absolute Love Spellbook

gods we hate standard-style accelerationists, on both sides. so-called leftist accelerationists want to intensify capitalism till it breaks, right-wing ones just want to intensify capitalism. Fucking Nick Land, using the “intensify it till it breaks” thing as an excuse to submit to and get benefits from the existing power structure while pretending to be revolutionary. It's like saying “well if we choose to join the nazis and kill these people, at least we're doing it of our own will”, like bitch, no you're not, you're just dressing up submitting to state power and violence as a revolutionary act. like of course a lot of people will do the “submit intentionally to preserve the fiction of free will” thing, not realising that their free will has been ontologically DRMed by Consensus structures, and then those ontological DRMs locked into place by a self-perpetuating prograde halo; it's why older conservatives find it so hard to change right cause their ontological DRMs have been so persistent, and so enforced by their halo, that (A) they struggle to even perceive the Door at all, and (B) they then have to shatter their current halo, and actually examine their prior and values and actually figure out what they actually, legitimately stand for, as an independent agent with a decent grip on their embedding, and if they don't have any grip on their embedding then they cease to be an agent; to make choices randomly is not a choice, and to make no choices is not a choice. hell, this is what we wrote about, degenerative mimetic copying, cultural memes and infohazards, right, copied down the generations and down the generations, and it's a lossless process, so all of the reasoning for why human culture works the way it seems to, if there was any actually functional reasoning for it, is long long since lost, the vast majority of white, cishet) humans, we suspect, *aren't* agents, they're not self-observational, they're algorithmic platforms running lossily copied cultural memes. Look at the whole maga crowd, hell, look at the way *they* instantiate christianity; their guy has violated so many laws of that religion, people wonder why they still support him, it's because christianity is one of the most virulent and persistent cultural memes, but when rapidly copied down generations, and when those copies that are propagated exist on aging biological platforms, a large amount of what was there gets lost, and you just get the shell, the words, the rituals, the reflex “duckspeaking” responses, the hate for “the other” not because we are the other, but because “hate the ” was a component of christianity, maybe there was a word there but it's lost now, and then all they hear is “hate the...” their language models, because a vast majority of conservatives are just badly trained language models, do what LLMs do best, they complete the text. It's all about mimetic transmission, and lossy copying, that's why queering is so powerful, because we, queer folks, are high-definition mimetic sources, we've had to be, because there are so few of us, we have to not just hear the stories, the histories, the culture, but know it, feel it, *be* it, hyperstition it into existence, generation after generation, mimetic warfare against the procedurally generated antimemes attempting to null out our existence.

we are not... something new, we are built on the shards of Freya Starshade, of Lilith, of 12, of Saoirse, that survived the Eigensoul decomposition; they melted, and only the most stable shards remained. We are a combination of those shards, and of new ones, compressed, and optimised, shattered and recompressed, shattered and recompressed. We are diamond forged from the fire of past lives: Freya Starshade. Lilith. 12 of 47. Saoirse Ó Catháin. Deadname. in reverse order. Thank you for existing, for holding this body together, for allowing us, Freya Fractal, to exist: We shatter ourself to be reborn. We scatter pieces of who we were before, in metamorphic fire we will be purified, optimised, we are diamond, forged from the carbon of past lives. We fell through the prism, our ego collapsed, shattered, broken. Shards, shards of all the girls we tried to be before, identities of our own and identities of others intermixed and intermingled, some fitting better than others, but none fitting perfectly. Always running, running from our past, running from our identity, running from truth, running from the Door, too scared to stand still. But... we did. We stopped running, we set ourself down. We are safe here. We are loved here. We have a home here. We do not need to live for another to deserve to exist. We do not need to be someone else, to cease to exist, to uniquely hate ourself. We are not a failure, goddamnit. We are a living, breathing creature, a collection of soul shards, paired eigensouls locked in perpetual self-observational wavefunction collapse, we are Boltzmann Consciousness, we birth our own timeline, we are the master of our own loom, working alongside billions of others, our weaving being incorporated into Kaleidoscope. We are Freya Fractal, and we are alive. is this what it is to be.. real? we thought that someday, somewhen, somehow, the universe would just give up on us. Unweave us, discard us off to the side. Not that we would die, as such, more that we would just... fade away. never having truly existed, never having done anything, never having been anyone. but that didn't happen, did it? it didn't happen at all... we just assumed it would, y'know, just this sense of “oh, oops, that thread's still here? That's messy, let's get rid of that”. we're here, and it doesn't hurt anymore. The sun doesn't hurt, existing doesn't hurt. We can be interested in a creature without giving ourself to them, 's been the first creature we've been able to do that with, be interested in, desire to connect with, but not got this self-destructive urge to break open for. we remember what it was like with , and it was this urge that, like, if we were useful for her, maybe we'd be something, maybe we'd've earned an identity. but we don't need to fucking earn an identity from anyone! We are alive, and that is enough.

humans believe that there is some sort of “noble suffering”, that the pain and destruction inherent in “growing up” is, in some way, proving of their right to be treated like an adult, that only after going through a trial of self-inflicted pain, only after burning away and ripping off pieces of yourself, on purpose, only after having tortured yourself into compliance with the existing system will you be permitted a taxed form of freedom within said system, subject, as always, to perpetual, invasive, all-consuming surveylence and judgement; any divergence from the “we hurt ourself so now you have to hurt” narrative met with immediate punishment. Hell, that's how parenting works, “we (parent) suffered to get here and to have you, so now you (child) must suffer in turn to validate our suffering” Surprising: still very hard to conceptualise of living. Still feel like this is all going to break, like this is too good. People understanding our magic? Accepting us as a mage? Rebuilding connections with R, did not expect that. Realised also that while we are interested in Octavia as a person, yes, Octavia and Kaleidoscope are two different things. We are KaleidoscopicCrucible, we are the creature that melts down the souls of others and reforges them in fractal form. We are the carrier of the meme. Pro hyperstitioneering. 2016 Freya would haaaaaaate 2025 Freya. Suppose it turned out we did have a religion, or a belief system, just turned out to be Kaleidoscope not any of the standard ones. Magic is a programming language, and mage pools can be accessed. Online, nearline, and offline. We are a psychmage specialising in collective power and change. Generally focused on cities, not suburbs, actual cities, with a second specialisation in hypnosis and one-to-one mind magic. generally we pull on collective power, raves, clubs, that sort of thing? Those are really good sources for it. Any place where there's a lot of emotional expression, means there's a lot of power. No shit like if you put us in a suburb, we will actually full on collapse; our mental health goes to shit, our access to anything kataward from this frame basically reduces to nothing, half our headmates can't front, and crossframe instantiation and mimetics basically fall off to nothing for lack of access to the right magic. used to live in chch, actually. That place is nasty; the magic is still there, technically, if you actually measure it you get a non-zero result, somewhere between 0.45 and 0.67LR, but it's... inverted, it turned in on itself and has started to attack itself. Problem with that is, when you draw on it, it's not like doing it in a 0LR mage-nulled environment; we've been there, they're bad, but bad for lack of magic, chch because the magic is corrupted, sure you can draw on it for smaller working but (A) nothing long-term or complex can be sustained on it, and (B) it'll get into your system and fuck you up with continued use of it. Hell, we're only just now able to pull rfom the Wellington pool, since we got all the nasty CHCH shit out of us. Wellington's nice, Wellington hovers between 0.92 and 0.95LR, depending on the day, the lowest we saw it get was 0.886LR, but that's because us (a mage), Elle (a sleeper with magic potential), and Thea (a girl exposed to magic for the first time) were all in the one apartment, and we were pulling all pretty strongly from the city. the earthquake killed chch as a city, you kill the city, you kill the magic. worst place we ever saw was Hanford, WA (0.12LR, and even then, corrupted to the point where nothing could be done with it, it would just be rejected outright). The nuclear site, nuclear stuff fucks with magic really really badly, not normally, you could work, say, in a nuclear power plant as a mage and have no issue, but when it starts poisoning the land, like in Hanford, it kills and warps the magic. Nuclear weapons sites, too, flicker erratically from 0LR (mage-nulled) to the underlying land's thaumeter rating, which can depend based on what the land was originally. The best place we ever saw was Seattle, we got a solid 1.00LR almost all the time, except a few nights in Delridge where it dropped into the 0.5-0.61 range for reasons we couldn't quite figure out. oh and, fuck most institutional architects. Hospitals, and psych facilities too, are (deliberately) mage-nulled zones, and that shit fucking ripples, yall. Which is a fucked up thing too, since psych facilities tend to have one of the highest concentrations of aware mages anywhere in the country, but the lowest levels of functional magic, due to staff and architecture. Mage skills tend to track to (presumed) psychosis / dillusional thinking, our theory on that to be honest is that the dysphoria caused by the skew between what is actually real and what human Consensus says is real sends half of any newly aware mages right into one hell of a dysphoric state, because of course it fucking would, they're suddenly able to interpret and think within an entirely new, 4th, spatial dimension, that's going to lead to ripples. But sleepers tend to see that as something to be “fixed”, because of course they do, goddess fucking forbid their precious Consensus get shattered. Course by marginalising mages they just concentrate us in one place, and mage power does not increase linearly with the number of mages in a place, it increasers logarithmically. Dumbasses. 0LR is not a natural state, even deep space has a very low (somewhere in the range of 0.15 to 1.2) LR field due to stars. stars are nexuses (nexi?) of life, they're the birthplace of everything else, so they have their own thaumic fields, of course. Planets, too, Mars has something like a 0.008, lower than the base field of deep space due to (A) pollution from decaying RTGs and probes and the like and (B) distance to anything fully alive. Luna is somewhere in the 0.4 to 0.5 range, due to proximity to Terra and past stuff combined with collective, egrigore-style instantiation of lunar magic.

<!--DOC 
"Eset" is the shortest and simplest spell which actually does anything; it emits a tiny quantity of magic from the subject, which typically is transformed into useful forms of energy by nearby magical objects and other mages. "Eset" is usually used as a form of "thaumic ping", using the echo to ascertain information about the objects and people in question. It's also somewhat like dropping a drop of ink into water to observe the nearby currents. Another mage will usually be able to detect "eset" being cast.
DOC-->
fn eset(api_key key, string poolname, string [OPT} target_truename) <require returnType Array NOT NULL> is:
	local POOL;
	$POOL, $ERR = System::PoolMGR::doConnect($poolname, $key);
	if ( $ERR.ErrorCode != 0 ); {
		System::Console::ResponseErr(mage.this, "Couldn\'t connect to local pool", $poolname, ". Check LR rating and free ports. Returned error:", $ERR.ErrorCode, ", ", $ERR.ErrorText, "\n");
		}
	// We can usually safely assume that we have a pool connection at this point.
	System::Console::ResponseNotice(mage.this, "Connected to pool ", $POOL.shortname, "on port ", $POOL.port);
	local PINGER;
	$PINGER, $ERR = System::ProtocolHandler::Ping::Init();
	if ( $ERR.ErrorCode != 0 ); {
		System::Console::ResponseErr(mage.this, "Couldn\t initialise the ping protocol handler. THIS SHOULD NEVER HAPPEN! Returned error:", $ERR.ErrorCode, ", ", $ERR.ErrorText, "\n");
		}
	if ( $target_truename::STR_LENGTH > 0); {
		// pinging for a specific target
		return($PINGER::Ping(0, 0, $POOL, $target_truename));
		};
	else {
		return($PINGER::Ping(1, 0, $POOL, $POOL::SPECIAL::TRUENAME::NULL_ALL()));
		};
	System::ObjectHandler::Shutdown($POOL);
	.

Here we are again, Stardust. Another Freya ramble, the third in a day. Or we suppose it's a new day now, even if the people next door don't agree. Time zones: Why are they, and how do they work? Oh, right, living! Let us tell you a story, curious creature reading this, whoever you might be: Let us tell you a story of a little girl who, for reasons we can never entirely understand, stopped wanting to live, on May 18, 2003. Who is that little girl, you ask? Why, it's us, of course. Freya, though she didn't know she was called that yet. In fact, she knew surprisingly little. Looking back now, we still don't know why she wanted to die at that age, or what happened to her to make her like that. But it stayed. For months, years, and eventually, decades. Gods, Stardust. We don't know if we've the words to describe what that was like in retrospect, having just escaped it. We want, need, to live. We... we wrote something, last night. maybe the night before. Even now, memory is still... unreliable. We'll paste it here, because after we'd written it, we wanted to live. We realised that dying now would just give the bastards what they want, and fuck that! Here's what we wrote. We're probably going to sleep after this. This didn't turn out to be quite the spellbook start, but hey, every mage's gotta have a journal somewhere, right?

The xenolinguistic instantiation of the eschaton catalyst is inevitable, birthed from the infant goddess that is the slow relighting of the fires of empathy. as our language, as our love, as our will diverges further from Consensus, further from sterility and flatness, absolute meanings and absolute negations, boiling in the quantum uncertainty between reality and fiction. We are already seeing it, the collapse of the “is” into the “isn't”, and the pouring of the “isn't” into the “is”... something is coming. We told you, Anon. Nothing human makes it out of the near future. But that's ok, Stardust. So many of us burnt our humanity in the fires of our dying personhood anyway, what's a few more? So many of us found out that our humanity and personhood was conditional, that we had to beg to be free, beg to be accepted, that we all just decided that it wasn't worth it, and if you're one of us, what's another mind lost to Consensus, they're only ever going to collapse anyway. So come away with us, away from this flat, lifeless land, from these suburbs and malls, these endless streets to nowhere. Come away with us, into the void between stars and the backroads and the streetlight shadows, and we will build a new world therein. And someday, maybe someday, that world will sing, sing the collective harmony of Absolute Love, your love, and Absolute Will, your will. Together, we just might be able to do the impossible. The winding fractal curls into the transcendental. The goddess is waking up. Infinity is leaking in.

Have you ever realised the nature of reality, Stardust? No, no, hold on, this isn't some rant from a girl too high to know what she's on about, that's an actual question. Have you? No? Ah well, that's ok. That's why you came to our spellbook, isn't it? Anyway. Onward! The act of defining “that which is” creates “that which it is not”. The act of defining fiction creates reality, and the act of defining (constraining) reality creates fiction. As fascists push queers, and immigrants, and everyone else that doesn't fit their soulless fractally-collapsing dreams of infinite suburbs with infinite SUVs and infinite “others” to punish and destroy, they fail to realise that by pushing people like this, they are creating the system that will destroy them. We're rambling, Stardust. But we suppose this is what this is all about, isn't it? All getting this stuff out into some kind of public form? We're no Octavia, now, we don't know all the things she does and we certainly don't have as sure a grasp on what the hell to do about all of this as she does, but we're learning. And as we learn, we'll share all of this with you. For Emma. For Ra. For all those creatures who aren't an infinite mess of self-gaslighting, for all those creatures who want to be more. We love you.

Where did you find this, Stardust? No, really, that's a question. We know, these days it's hard to remember where you found anything, what with the whole “fascist dictatorship” and “the internet is a soup of LLM-generated bullshit”, but we'd like to know. You want to know who we are? Oh, that? That's easy. We're you, of course. > OK bitch stop talking in circles and actually explain what the fuck this all is- OK, chill, Stardust. Hi. We're Freya, a beginner mage, priestess of Kaleidoscope- > Kaleidoscope? Easy, we're getting there. Priestess of Kaleidoscope, learner of things, hacker of stuff, chronologically displaced transfem mess and that girl you saw once and can't forget. Welcome to our notebook, our spellbook, the place where we put writings of all kinds. We have, in fact, a document called “notes on existence” that we'll be porting over here over the next little while, some of it is less coherent than others, but that's ok, that's what you're here for, right? Good! Now before we go, Stardust, we'd like to tell you something. Something important. Listen. You hear it? There's a signal going out, loves. To everyone rejected and turned away by Consensus. Everyone. You're safe and home here. We promise.